My Journey as A Musician

Life is full of seasons.

When I think of my music journey, memories flash through my head of moments that shaped who I am as a person first, and musician second. Every moment has been important, and I have learned from the good and bad. As I have my whole life ahead of me, I am still learning. Transitioning into that new season is always a bit more scary than the previous season as we step into uncharted territory.

    I started at the young age of five on the piano. The first thing that comes to mind is my first lesson; I maybe said one word, as I was pretty shy. Telling my friends that I took piano lessons was not a thing I did. I remember it being something my parents had me do after school. I guess you can only understand so much when you're five. Four years later, I was learning violin in my beginning orchestra class. My eyes were opened as I played with other students my age, and got to really put my musical knowledge to use in another light. My eyes opened up even more when I joined band the very next year playing clarinet. A year later, I was playing too many instruments, and taking far too many lessons. It became a real chore. 

Eighth grade rolled along and I ended up quitting violin and taking clarinet even more seriously. I specifically remember the moment I realized why I played music; after eight years in lessons, three instruments, multiple ensembles and recitals, it ended up being an average day at school; a tuesday rehearsal in my middle school wind ensemble. We played the beautifully somber, Come Sweet Death by JS Bach. 

Somehow, turning points in our lives seem to be hidden in the everyday routine. This one hit me like a ton of bricks as I shed a tear for the first time playing a phrase crafted by Bach himself. A small moment, but one of the more special moments in my life. Ever had one of those pieces or moments that you will remember for the rest of your life simply because it opened your eyes on your true purpose in life? That was it for me! I will always be thankful for Bach.

After my pivotal moment, I dedicated myself to becoming the best clarinetist I could be. I went from being the last chair in my middle school to being second chair, and eventually first in high school. Having the solos was something I wanted more than passing that test in my pre-calculus class. Writing essays for AP Language was put on the back burner. Now, this probably was not the best mindset. I passed all my classes, but band was my priority. My wonderful band director encouraged me to continue with Clarinet at Central Washington University. He believed in my abilities and always pushed me to be my best; signing me up for solo contests, helping me write college essays and applications. The reason I ended up going to college at all was because of his constant encouragement, along with my parents' unconditional love and support! 

I remember my freshman year of college like it was yesterday. College is definitely a pivotal time in anybody's life; most leave their hometown, knowing nobody and unfamiliar with anywhere. I started school with the plan that I would earn two degrees in Performance and Music Education. After finding my true passion in private teaching and playing, I decided to drop the Music Education degree and pursue Performance full-time. 

My decision to drop was tough, as many of my professors urged me to continue in the education route because this was the safe option. Have you ever done something just because it is safe? That feels like my whole life! I dropped the major because I felt no passion for teaching groups and ensembles. I had no desire to be in front of a band or orchestra, so why was I pursuing something I wasn't passionate about? I dreamed of having my own studio of private students who wanted to excel at their instrument. I love the one-on-one aspect of teaching; learning about each student every lesson. I dreamed of playing in the local symphony. I also dreamed of being a stay-at-home wife and mother. This felt hard to say to others... It was not safe. "Do you have a backup plan?" "Be prepared to work a side job." "You know, it is really tough to start your own studio. It can take a long time." I had heard it all. 

I learned quickly after college that they were right. I feared teaching because I did not feel adequate to teach anybody's child. I would ask others how they start students and do they have a curriculum? I never got the answer I wanted. But, as I showed up for my very first student a year after graduating, I realized that the curriculum is different for every student. No student is alike, therefore they have all their own strengths and weaknesses. Every curriculum is different. This is what I ended up loving about teaching private students. I get to learn about the student! I get to hear about their favorite activities, their pets, and why they love music. I get to help them apply who they are to their music! What a beautiful thing! This is why I chose this path, and I am forever grateful. 

Now two years into teaching privately, I have eight students, both Clarinet and Saxophone. Every lesson, I hope that my students learn something new about themselves and music, but I am also blessed to be learning from them. 

During this pandemic, teaching and music making has seen many road blocks. I am so grateful for technology to stay connected with my students and proud to see my students' hard work and persistence pay off. Although this is a difficult time for everyone, music is still alive, evolving, and awakening our souls everyday. 

How has music making changed for you this year? What have you learned about yourself, your musicianship and others through this season? Let me know in the comments, I would love to hear your responses!   Thank you for reading!